


True Ugly

by Black_sunday



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dark, Death, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23228401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_sunday/pseuds/Black_sunday
Summary: Cassius is a sheltered Dalish elf who grew up with no friends, apart from his sister, leaving the safety and calm of his clan had become one of many of his regrets in life. Becoming Inquisitor forced him out of his comfort zone and having to deal with the burden and consequences of changing the world has done nothing good for his mental health. Unsure, afraid, and inexperienced, Cassius had been dealt with a bad hand of cards from life so when a spark comes along he clings onto it to hoping it is the only thing that can keep him sane and levelled while trying to save the world. The issue is, as always, no happiness comes for free and Cassius finds himself unravelling and losing himself within his unrealistic expectations. Dorian can only hope the damage isn't enough to destroy Cassius, their building relationship, or the world entirely.*Added lyrics at the beginning of each chapter, ya know, for shits and giggles.
Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke, Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus, Morrigan/Male Warden (Dragon Age)
Kudos: 5





	1. Cassius

_Who taught these tricks that make...you were so well behaved  
_

Cassius silently admired Dorian from his place below him, lingering around Solas’ desk holding loose parchment of the new reports of rifts that were scattered around the countryside. Skyhold was becoming stronger, with people and repair, and things were starting to move fluidly and with ease as he learnt what his role within the movement was. It was surprising how easily he came to terms with his new job, all he had to do was try and balance things, and his intuition guided him through hard times. Of course, it wasn’t always easy but he felt strong enough so far to shoulder such burdens. Training to become the Keeper was becoming handy. The one thing that Cassius was able to rely on for a distraction was the people around him. Pulling his focus he glanced to Solas, always deep in melancholy thought.

“You always look so serious,” Cassius remarked to break the silence. Solas looked up from his work, expression unchanging as he regarded his new friend. “Not to say that is a bad thing, I think I have only seen you smile once.”

“You always looked so worried,” Solas answered biting into the conversation as his hands carefully rolled a scroll. “Not worried, I suppose constantly surprised and wide-eyed as if you are learning something new.”

“Aren’t we? Every day I am here I am discovering something new.” Cassius smiled, leaning on Solas’ desk. “I wonder what I will learn today.”

“Perhaps you will finally learn how to talk to someone you find interest in.” Solas jabbed at a spot Cassius didn’t expect, a sly smile on his face as he looked up towards the tevinter who was still rifling through books and mumbling out loud to himself. “The dwarf will write a book about this soon.”

“I didn’t expect this from you, elf.” Cassius teased. “If it helps ease everyone worries, I only find him handsome and charming.”

“Charming? I think we have met different men.” Solas snorted. “I do not want to encourage this, the joke is over.”

“You were teasing me? Wow, that’s another lesson I have learnt. Solas has a sense of humour.” Cassius felt himself grinning like a child, often the case when he nudged Solas into a corner for banter. It felt like a good reward to nudge a joke or two out from him. Still, Solas seemed uninterested to continue the fun and had returned to studious silence as he found another book with another bookmark placed within its thick pages.

Cassius watched, always an observer to those around him, wondering if they understood how much appreciation he had for those who found a reason and purpose to the Inquisition, while he was restless they were busy fitting together like puzzle pieces despite their personality clashes. Losing interest, Cassius collected his study notes and left the library hoping to absorb some warmth from the suns light in the garden until nightfall or if he was needed. A messenger passed, slipping him a paper from their pile before finding whoever was next to receive letters.

He rarely got letters that weren't sent through official channels, opening the door into the small garden he slipped the note in his pocket hoping it could wait as he spied his elf root were wilting. The garden was his small hobby, a side project, Skyhold held beautiful views but there wasn’t enough green for him plus it was hard to find plants within this snow. He nodded to the nobles that lingered, having learnt human nobles felt slighted if you didn’t acknowledge their presence and moved to the start of his medicinal garden. The elf root was over watered in its shade, so he pulled the ceramic holder out into the sun and removed the dead leaves with his nails, discarding them seeing the diseased spots on the edges of the leaves. Magic would make them grow, but that wasn’t as satisfying than tending and working hard on a plants health.

The sun was bright and warm, melting off the light snow and water droplets glittered in the natural light, it was a fine day to be cooped up inside. The Pavillion was full of chantry mothers and their followers speaking sermons and singing hymns, a scene he wanted to avoid, so he climbed the only stable tree within the courtyard and straddled the branches hoping no one had noticed his quick climb. Relaxing on the trunk he retrieved his letter, inspecting the small paper. The paper itself wasn’t usual smooth sheets or knitted in texture, it was soft and weak of poor making. Opening it his eyes widened and his heart stopped in his chest, only for a moment, as he excitedly read.

_Isa'ma'lin,_

_I am glad to hear that you are alive and well, news has reached the clan and we were concerned for you. Sadly, hearing that you will not be returning has broken mothers heart and we fear for your safety and people are saying you have abandoned us for the shems Maker. Please tell me that is not true, I miss you dearly, I hope you can write to me soon so I can put mothers heart at ease._

_Ar lath ma, your sister Lynnia._

As easily as his heart was full of excitement, it dropped as his eyes read the words over and over again. He feared they would think he had abandoned them and was surprised to see his feelings were becoming a reality. It saddened him but he was glad his sister wrote to him. Lynnia was three years his junior and was well respected in his clan, as he was training to be keeper she was quickly becoming the star hunter. They were chalk and cheese, she was popular and sociable always thinking of ways to improve relationships between their clan and the humans while he was dedicated to his studies and pleasing the keeper and tending to his mother when she became so weak she would be bed bound for weeks at a time. He hoped Lynnia wasn’t neglecting the woman who raised them when he left she was still childish in responsibilities but perhaps this would make her place firm ground into reality.

“Oh, there you are!” Cassius froze in surprise, nearly losing his balance and gripped clumsily top the tree he sat in, dropping his notes and letters. He watched his work float to the ground, softly landing in the grass and fallen leaves, staring up at him was the tevinter with his sparkly eyes and smirk. “I was going to tell you of my great discovery, but you had abandoned Solas.”

“Discovery? What have you been looking for?” Cassius asked, unable to move from the tree, still frozen but in nervousness. The best tactic he had was to keep distance, he didn’t know how to interact with the man yet outside of professionalism. Dorian though was busy picking up the lost work, glancing at the words and shuffling the notes into neat order, then picked up the letter squinting at the messy handwriting.

“Is this something that needs decoding?”

“That is my sister's handwriting, what did you discover?”

“Well if you come down that tree and talked to me like a civilised person, maybe I will tell you and return your work to you.” Dorian raised his eyebrow, always teasing. “Though, the way you straddle nature is very pleasing.”

“You know some elves might find it offensive to be labelled uncivilised.” Cassius huffed. “I am so offended I will not come down and you will just have to keep shouting at me.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow, eyes back to the letter and reading through it. “What does Isa'ma'lin mean?”

“It means brother.”

“And Ar lath ma?”

“I love you.”

“I think it is too soon to be declaring such things?” Dorian snorted seeing the elf flare up into a deep blush, finding it delicious to tease the shy man but his jokes were enough to encourage the elf down from his tree, dropping from the branch with an effortless thump to the ground, landing on his feet like a cat. Cassius straightened up, meeting Dorians eyes and snatched back his collection of work.

“Deplorable. Lucky you are handsome, otherwise, I would knock you on the head. Dorian, don’t laugh I'm trying to threaten you!” Cassius said through tight lips.

“Consider me threatened.” Dorian chuckled. “Teasing you is my new favourite pass time but that will have to wait, I am here to share knowledge.”

“About?”

“Your little messenger is quick at times, but today it felt slow. Been waiting for word for a while, ok I lied, I wasn’t expecting a reply but I have word on a Venatori camp within the hinterlands. If we had the time I thought we could zap them away.” Dorian explained with a touch of excitement, hoping he would be able to tag along as the Inquisitor seemed to neglect his usefulness and ability to zap things away. He watched Cassius’ face, mulling over the idea.

“While we wait for Varric’s contact to arrive, I suppose we have the time.” Cassius finally said after a few moments of thought. “Are you sure the information is reliable? It is possibly easier to get Cullen to send a squad out there.”

“Do you trust a couple of soldiers to deal with such fanatic followers? Alexi used time magic, who knows what else may be up in their sleeves.”

“That’s true. I should gather Cassandra and… Why are you looking at me like that? Is this your version of puppy eyes? You could just ask to come, you know?” Cassius snorted seeing Dorian's attempt. “Would you like to come?”

“I thought you would never ask, I am dying to sightsee ruined forts and the such. You fellows have such interesting architecture, muddy floors, leaky walls, it is quite charming.”

“Oh, Cassandra is going to enjoy this trip.”

***

Tent buddies. Cassius couldn’t sleep, he could only stare at the cloth of the tent as he listened to Dorian sleep with soft breaths. How did they become tent buddies? Well, Dorian had teased Cassandra to the point where she almost threw her shield at him and blamed Cassius for such offences that she had refused to speak to them until the morning. Poor Blackwall, having to try and defuse the situation. It felt like a punishment, not that sharing a tent with Dorian was bad, but it was his mind that was being bad. Perhaps he could switch watch guard with Blackwall early, Cassius would not be able to sleep peacefully in general, attraction or not.

Cassius never liked sharing a tent since Haven. It was one reason why he would cling to Cassandra as a guard, her presence seemed to calm his mind and the nightmares were tolerable, or she would ignore his outbursts in warrior-like sympathy. Cassandra was understanding, perhaps something people overlooked when speaking with her, but she would know things. He sat up, quietly not to disturb the other mage, watching him sleep with his arm over his face and a leg bent in the air, his foot resting on the bags they used to travel with. Without the shield of teasing smiles, Dorian seemed soft only making Cassius feel worse if he were to fall asleep and disturb his sleep. Carefully, Cassius awkwardly climbed over the man regretting not taking the spot nearest to the entrance of the tent and gently rolled outside where Blackwall sat around a campfire poking at the burning logs with a stick. When they got to a base camp, things would be easier.

“Go get some rest, I can’t sleep,” Cassius whispered as he sat on the tree stump next to Blackwall, the smoke billowing away from their faces but the smell was still strong in the back of his throat. Blackwall glanced at the Inquisitor, then back to the fire.

“No thank you, Cassandra was violently sharpening her blade. I’ll take my chances with the bears.” Blackwall chuckled lightly, his eyes reflecting the flicker of the fire. “Makers balls, I can’t wait till everyone stops being so…”

“Antagonistic.” Cassius finished, remember Cassandra’s own words. He couldn’t help but laugh himself, but it faded into the quiet of the night air and everything became still again. It wasn’t hot, or cold, it was normal but at the same time lacking something. Cassius kept his eyes on the older man, wondering about him. He was another person he hadn’t spent time with but he could sense something strange about him. Blackwall was very much like Cassandra, they wanted to do good, follow good orders but while Cassandra had a firmness about her resolve, Blackwall seemed to be hollow.

“You know,” Cassius started, twiddling his thumbs. “I quite admire the Grey Wardens. I had never come into contact with one and have only heard tales from passing strangers. My sister bought me a book once when she visited a shem village, and it had wonderful tales about old heroes.”

“They do good work.” Blackwall agreed. Cassius latched onto the phrasing, though he had a strange obsession with analysing people’s words when they honestly meant nothing more. Still, Cassius spent enough time observing to know something was off centre but Blackwall was keeping it to himself. After a few hours, Blackwall had decided to retire, letting Cassius to his silence and watch duties while mulling over the dynamics he was entangling himself into.

The morning light started to flood over the grassland, the grass starting to come to life in colour, the trees starting to move in the slight breeze like a morning dance. Cassius sat on the log, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he watched the fire finally died out and the birds started to sing their song. He kicked a long onto the fire, the embers starting to come back to life and he started to empty his canteen into a pot, adding tea leaves and flower petals hoping the warm and sweet drink would wake him up for the day of travel. One of the tents ruffled flapped open, and Dorian emerged with a stretch and yawn.

“Well, not the first time I have woken alone. Good morning, what are you making?”

“Tea,” Cassius answered as he crouched by the fire and stirring the water to make sure it wouldn’t over boil. “It is the last of my mother's tea mix, I need to ask her to send more if she has the energy. Would you like some?” Dorian sniffed the air, crouching beside the elf and seeing the water turn a vague blue.

“It smells sweet,” Dorian commented, raising a brow. “How come it is blue?”

“It is a secret,” Cassius teased. “But it is safe. Just energy perk up, and it helps soothe the mind.”

Dorian watched as Cassius take the water off the fire before it could come to a boil, and as it cooled it changed colour again. The elf effortlessly poured it into his canteen in a way that the leaves and the petals didn’t slip. Swirling it, Cassius drank and smiled with a pleasant smile, his eyes closed. “That hits the right spot. Here, it won't kill you.”

Dorian accepted the drink, smelling it and taking a small sip. The flavour was sweet but not overbearing and he felt strangely uplifted. Stunned he looked into the cantoon with a perplexed expression on his face as he tried to work out what was in it. “I am impressed, maybe mix it with a bit of something and it would make a nice bar drink.”

“Always in the mood for a drink,” Cassius snorted in laughter, snatching the tea back. “Well, I am glad you got to try, who knows when I can get more and I doubt I will get the recipe to gather the herbs myself. Oh well, it is how I always start the morning. Will need to replace it with something else sweet.”

“You enjoy setting your traps, then blindly walking into them,” Dorian remarked with his famous sly smile. “You are close to your mother?”

“Yeah,” Cassius shifted so he was cross-legged on the ground. “My father was killed in a hunting accident so my mother raised me and my sister. I mostly kept with the Keeper though, but I would look after my mother when she was sick, or help my sister. We were a close trio. What about you, you mentioned Alexis but not your family.”

“That is because we are not close.” Dorian laughed, a little bitter. “But, your family sound wonderful I hope to meet them one day.”

“I am sure they will take to you like honey. What isn’t there to like?”

“Flatterer.”

**

“How you can find such a man attractive is beyond me.” Cassandra snorted as Cassius sat beside her, the tavern in Redcliff still empty and quiet from the power shift. Still, the group dropped in before they ventured further to the campsite Venatori were rumoured to be stationed. Cassius suggested the drink to Cassandra, Dorian wanted to take in the views and Blackwall wanted to talk to some of the residents. Cassandra accepted the ale he presented, taking a swig.

“I find most people attractive. I think you are attractive.” Cassius pointed out light-heartedly.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but it doesn’t help my concern. You two have become close, and I see those eyes you give him.” Cassandra lectured. “Be careful around him, is all I am saying.”

“You are speaking like we are together,” Cassius teased. “I don’t have those intentions, I like looking. Plus, I am sheltered. My clan may have interacted with others but I never did. I was too awkward and uncomfortable and those who we interacted with was for trade which never interested me. To suddenly find myself within a group, a movement, of people who share many interests and many dislikes that connect us all together its just… Well, it is new to me.”

Cassandra fell quiet as she watched Cassius drink from his mug with a soft smile, she could see his isolated wisdom, witnessed in how he interacted with others, but she never asked how he was doing or what ticked in his head when he was forced to deal with nobles or the people on the front lines. It concerned her, he was learning on the job, and he had a big job.

“We have a shared interest, you know,” Cassius spoke up as if he could read her thoughts. “We want to do better, we want to bring the world back from the chaos, we want to make things better for everyone.”

“I suppose so.”

“I feel the growing discomfort, and the barrier to our friendship is why I chose mages over templars.”

“I don’t think-“

“It isn’t just because I am a mage. I don’t know a circle mage from a templar, but I do know that this is a test for them to prove that they can be guided to the right things. Templars have always held the power of authority and I firmly believe the mages need to have a taste of such power to understand why and how the circle originally worked. You feel bad, you disagree with some of my choices but you raised me to a level of power you can’t feel can question. Like the mages, I want you to be able to question things, to question me. I don’t want to do this blind, this is too much responsibility for me to take on by myself. I want the people around me to voice their views without being afraid of things breaking apart, I know it is a tough thing to ask for as arguments aren’t needed in this time of hardship, but I want to consider every path.”

Cassius finished his drink and flipped a coin onto the bar, another drink sliding his way. He smiled at Cassandra, with pretty eyes and warm lips, she had to huff to keep on track with the current topic. “If you want my opinions, I will give them freely.”

“I don’t want opinions, Cassandra, I want your factual feelings. I don’t want you to base a view just because I’ve presented you with two choices. If you feel there is a third, or fourth, tell me.”

“So much for a casual drink, all I wanted to do was warn you of your fascination with a certain mage and it has turned into a lecture.” Cassandra snorted.

“Sorry,” Cassius laughed into his drink, causing the top foam to splatter over his face and robe. “I can get carried away, you can smack me whenever I start rambling, I don’t know how to stop my mind and mouth sometimes.”

“Smacking? Now, this is a conversation I wish I had been a part of.” Dorian and Blackwall had come back from their small tasks, Blackwall already mugs in hand, but Dorian was saddling between Cassandra and Cassius with a sly smile. “I got bored, have you two been behaving? Silly question, I have more chance tickling an innuendo out of Blackwall than the two of you getting into any fun.”

“Don’t get too comfortable, once I have finished this drink we are heading to that Venatori camp to see if your information is true.” Cassius teased, starting to chug down his drink, Blackwall trying to catch up.

**

Cassius gripped his staff, he had ventured ahead of the small group able to hide within the tree line. He heard the voices and followed the sound, his feet almost silent in the leaves that had fallen from branches, his breathing slowed down as he spied the mage in Tevinter like clothing standing with his back in Cassius’ view. He was talking to another man, who was shining his sword, their tents built within the nature that had given them a good hiding place from travellers but they weren’t well hidden to a Dalish elf. Cassius felt no traps laid down, and the two were too relaxed. Cassius felt confident as he gripped his staff and slowly unclasped it from his back, eyes focused on the mage.

Quickly, his staff smashed into the ground and as the topsoil cracked open a line of electricity ran through the ground sparking with violent intensity. The Venatori mage was caught inside the line and started to jerk as the shock ran up his leg and he yelled out in pain, the yell encouraged Cassius to twist his staff and point it towards the other mage, a ball of lightning shooting out of the end of the staff and enveloping the mage till he dropped to the ground, still twitching. The warrior had stood up, jumping onto the log he was sitting on to avoid the path of dying lightning and looking around the tree lines trying to find where the attacker was. The group had caught up but lingered when Cassius held his hand up to stop them. Cassandra and Blackwell had their shields ready, understanding what they had to do. They spilt off to circle the camp, trying to draw the attention of the lone warrior and block him in if he tried to run. Dorian had his staff ready, remembering how well the two mages did when they were sent back in time, but it seemed Cassius didn’t have anything for him to do and had things under control without him. All he could do, as the warrior panicked at the influx of noise, was watch as Cassius whispered a prayer of the hunt before he opened his arms and a burst of light and electricity came out of his chest and burnt the warrior to a crisp.

“That was… Fast.” Dorian said, unsure what to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rushed establishing chapter of who Cassius is, before establishing a relationship. Will update later with elven translations
> 
> Song: Faint of Hearts - Coheed and Cambria


	2. Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a bit rushed and is unedited so there is bound to be spelling mistakes.

** Two: Fun **

_ What have we turned ourselves into? This abstract personnel  
_

“I find it interesting,” Dorian remarked over his book as Cassius walked past, surely on his way to meet with the spymaster. Cassius had paused, though he looked ready to flee any second but didn’t want to seem rude. “You have left Skyhold several times and haven’t invited me at all. I was hoping to see more than stone walls when I joined the Inquisition.”

“I am sorry Dorian, can we do this later? I love to have a banter with you, but I need to see Leliana.” Cassius said, his voice low trying not to seem offensive. “I will come back to this, I promise.”

“Fine, you are in a rush. I will complain later.” Dorian huffed, watching the Inquisitor go. He snapped his book closed as he withdrew from his book space and leaned on the railing looking down at Solas, painting on his walls.

“Don’t look at me,” Solas called over his shoulder, his fingers stained of dark ocre as he appreciated the piece he was starting on. “He has been in a rush all morning.”

“Yes, but what little pieces of information have you given him to start him on this trail?” Dorian asked with a teasing tone, leaning on the railing to try and analyse the elf's reactions. Solas kept painting, though, not biting into Dorian’s bait. “Keep your secrets, elf, it is more fun to talk to a wall.”

“It would pay more attention.” Solas chuckled, going back to painting in silence leaving Doiran to absorb the surrounding quiet sounds. Cassius and Leliana talked with hushed voices so their conversation wouldn’t be able to be heard over the sounds of books being put away, the ravens and crows nesting in the rafters, the sound of tranquil mages working through research. The library was quiet, as it should be, but Dorian’s thoughts were loud in his head.

He had time to compare, analyse and come to conclusions over the Inquisitor. Back in Redcliff, Cassius followed Dorian, through time and in combat. The elf was silent but worked well so Dorian thought Cassandra was Cassius’ bodyguard. But, when fighting the Venitori, Cassius practically didn’t need the help. He was powerful, and he enjoyed the fight. Dorian concluded, after a night of mulling over the two situations, Cassius changed depending on who he was with and what people perceived him as. Cassandra saw Cassius as a dangerous mage, thus Cassius stepped into that role. Solas saw him as a student, so Cassius willing became educated. Dorian saw him, originally, as a clueless elf from the South, so Cassius reflected that image. Dorian wanted to experiment, see how much Cassius could change.

“Wow, deep in thought,” Cassius said as he leaned onto the railing beside Dorian, bringing him back into reality. “I assume Solas didn’t want to hear you complain?”

“I am reflecting, and often when others are reflecting it is rude to disturb them,” Dorian remarked, though light-heartedly. Cassius let out a soft chuckle, a drifting laugh before turning his eyes to Dorian with an analytical gaze. He was absorbing, Dorian could see it.

“I was thinking about what you said. If you really want to join me on my field expeditions, I will allow it. Though, you might change your mind.”

“Hardly. The south has a rustic charm and I intend to see most of it.”

“How do you like sand?” Cassius asked with a grin. “I personally don’t mind it, rarely travelled to anywhere with sand that wasn’t a beach or a strip of wasteland, but I hear the Western Approach is full of beautiful dunes and heat.”

It seemed Cassius slipped into a mask of teasing, mirroring Dorian’s light-hearted remarks, at least that was what Dorian had decided. If he were to join he would have more data to observe, and therefore could prove his own theory to himself. Dorian huffed lightly, pulling his own steel eyes away from the Inquisitor. “I have the time, and I am in need of some sun.”

*

Cassius was thriving, his hand was full of loose, orange sand, and he would let the grains slip between his fingers as they walked. It was hot, so he had abandoned his robes and favouring a loose vest with looser pants held up by a winding of deep grey material around his waist. The sun was burning at his pale, bare arms, but the sun and the scene were worth a bit of sun damage. He paced around the edge of the base camp, admiring rock formations, skeletal trees that jutted out of the ground, the wind was warm but the shade was cool. Cassius was waiting to hear from Hawke, or at least from Scout Harding over what direction he needed to head as he wasn’t well travelled and this was a new experience in a new land. He could hear Cassandra behind him, by the tents, the pages of her book turning like soft sighs within the wind. Varric was writing, the quill scratching parchment, the pages trying to escape in the breeze which made Varric whisper out a curse word every few minutes. Dorian was standing with the Inquisition soldiers, in conversation about the land and trading rumours and tales of the world. It was easy to forget the world was in chaos, until Cassius heard the sound of a rift, opening in the air, crackling with anger. He was the first to hear it, possibly the only one to hear it. He turned to see the green light, flickering over tents and reflecting off the water surface and the silence spread through the camp as the others started to notice. Cassandra’s book was abandoned into the sand, Varrics fingers wrapped around Bianca’s trigger and Dorian had his staff ready. When the demons appeared, everyone was ready.

Cassandra had run ahead, her shield clashing with a Shade as its claws reached out towards her. Effortlessly her blade slashed through its midsection spilling gore onto her shield. She spun on her heel catching another beast coming towards her and used the hilt of her sword to crash into another demon head while one of Varric’s arrows whizzed past and hit a rage demon spilling hot lava onto the sand making it crackle into glass. Varric reloaded, aimed, and shot again, the bolt going through the rage demon and into a terror that had just pushed itself out of the rift. Dorian slammed his staff into the ground causing a burst of flames to engulf the terror and burning it to ash, blowing away in the breeze. Cassius while the demons were distracted threw his hand to the sky, the mark pulling him as the light shot out of him with a heavy feeling. It was like stitching the air with a chain, a tug of war as the rift struggled to close as more demons threaten to spill out of it. His mind was focused on closing it, his mental image to make it smaller and his body willed it. Interrupted, he rolled out of the way of a swipe from the rage demon, the heat spitting at his face and skin, but still, his hand was pointed to the direction of the tear and with a thoom, it closed and Cassius fell onto his back from the force. What demons lingered turn their attention onto him and surged towards him and Cassius, on his back, could only throw his hand up and let off a wall of sparks to paralyze the foes. Cassandra used the chance to slay one, cutting it through the middle causing it to disintegrate into fine green light, Varric used three bolts at once scattering them across the three demons that still stood, while Dorian, coming closer, sparked his own bolts of electricity with a falling of ice. When all was said and done, Dorian was the one to pick up Cassius’ staff and offered a hand to the Inquisitor.

“He saves the day again.”’ Dorian remarked as he pulled Cassius to his feet, dusting sand off the elf’s shoulders. “Don’t look so sad, you did the hardest part.”

“Laugh it up.” Cassius huffed, trying to hide a smile. “Come on, gather water and supplies from camp I want to explore and try to see if any more rifts are close by.” He called out, accepting his staff and shaking sand out of his long hair.

“Stroud and Hawke should be sending word soon.” Cassandra agreed, lingering at camp was making her restless and focus too much on the burning sun despite her spot within the shade.

“Yes, we might find them on their way.” Cassius flipped his hair up, using a loose ribbon her tied it into a loose bun to keep out of his face. “I didn’t get to speak much to Stroud in Crestwood, so I am keen to see him again. I pray we find nothing more than a handful of wardens who can explain what has been happening.”

“With Hawke at their side, I doubt it.” Varric sighed, falling beside Cassius as he strapped Bianca back onto his back. “Wherever Hawke goes, the worst follows.”

*

Hawke and Stroud were quite, they spent most of their travel time together bickering and when they reached their destination they waited a few meters apart. Hawke distracted herself by throwing her daggers into the sand, picking them up, throwing them again. She was tall, muscular, with short black hair that curled in artful, but neglected, a direction that looked like she woke up with artfully designed and styled hair. Her vibrant gold eyes were on the deep sand, framed by heavy black eyeliner and eyeshadow that smudged across her nose like a band across her eyes. Black, it was her favourite colour but within the dessert she regretted cladding herself head to toe with it. It didn’t matter though, she wasn’t trying to impress anyone, she just wanted to get shit done. Her eyes looked towards Stroud who stood with his back straight and his arm resting on his sheathed sword, a serious moustache and a serious frown.

“There.” He spoke to her. “I can see the Inquisitor.”

“About time.” Hawke huffed as she twirled her dagger, shaped like the tooth of a dragon, around her hand before sliding it back to its home on her back. She could see the shapes, four of them, the Inquisitor at the lead effortlessly walking up dunes half dragging who Hawke assumed was Varric. She tried to hold in the laugh, seeing Varrics expression as he tried to keep up with his long-legged companions and could hear the echo of his complaints. “Oh Varric, you didn’t have to come!”

“A thank you would be nice,” Varric said quietly. “Plus, if I wasn’t here Broody would be coming down the hills searching for you.”

“Always taking care of me.” Hawke teased before addressing Cassius. “We managed to follow the Warden’s here but nothing much else has happened. We wanted to wait for you.”

“Thank you, Hawke, Stroud.” The elf nodded his head, the sweat making his pale skin shine within the light as his clear blue eyes looked past her and to the ruins. “I can see movement and…”

“I feel it too.” The other mage said, Hawke had yet to be introduced, but she could see in his fashion that he wasn’t from these parts. “Something strange is happening, I can feel the magic in the air.”

“The air is shifting and the fade feels tight.” Cassius agreed. “There isn’t just Wardens here.”

“You mages with your weird talk.” Hawke crinkled up her nose. “But I fear we might be in the presence of blood magic.”

“Do not make assumptions,” Stroud said with his low voice. Cassius watched the two, once friends now… It was hard to tell, he wasn’t well versed in conflicts.

“All I know, from standing here, is that the fade is being tugged at.” Cassius interrupted the glaring two, eyes still focused on Weishaupt. He could feel his hand, the mark, be pulled to the direction of the ruined fortress, the spirits around him either being repelled or pulled, his skin felt itchy but smooth, it was a complicated feeling. “Something big is going to happen.”

“I can taste it in the air, the power! Hawke, you may be right.” Dorian offered his voice again, trying to ignore the worrying glance from the dwarf and the anger within Cassandra’s face. He was experienced enough to know better, and he felt right voicing his own feelings.

“Lets hurry-“

Cassius saw the green light, and so he ran pushing past Hawke and Stroud, his mark flashing and stinging up his arm. Everything was starting to click together, Corypheus, the Warden’s disappearing, the rifts, the power, the warning from the future of the demonic army. Oh, he knew, and he was prepared to mentally overcome this problem. He stopped seeing the line of Warden’s, the sacrifice, the blood, the demons! Why? It all came crashing down, Cassius couldn’t control himself as he threw a bolt of lightning at who seemed to be the ringleader. It didn’t do much to the Venatori agent, as he mocked Cassius with a laugh.

“There he is, the Herald!” He spat.

“Wardens! Please!” 

“We will stop you!”

It was all a blur, the rage that overfell Cassius made his mind blank. He didn’t care for Erimond, he wanted to save people but those he wanted to save were fighting! The battle was bloody, and not the direction Cassius wanted it to go. The Wardens were dead, Erimond went, and Hawke and Stroud arguing again like static in his thoughts. His mind was floating and foggy, feeling the pain that surrounded them, seeped into the stones like a sponge.

“Cassius.” Dorian’s voice broke through, his hand firm on Cassius’ shoulder to bring him back into reality. He shook off his hand and stormed between the two adults that circled around each other spitting accusations at each other.

“Enough,” Cassius said in the firmest tone he could manage, a headache starting to form in the back of his mind. “Enough! There has been enough fighting! We will work through this, ok?” He stared Hawke and Stroud down.

Hawke bit her lower lip as she looked to the ground, suddenly ashamed of her behaviour, like a puppy in trouble for piddling on the carpet. Stroud could only look away with his head held high while Cassius massaged his temples.

“I am going back to Skyhold to look at our options.” The Inquisitor remarked after a few minutes of quiet. “I welcome both of you to join me if you can.”

“I will continue to watch the Wardens,” Stroud answered, cooled from the argument. “I will send you reports of their activities.”

“I will come with you back to Skyhold, it isn’t much else I can do.” Hawke sighed with a kick of sand. “And I need to make sure Varric isn’t diving headfirst into a pit of shit.”

“Coming from you. I remember you slogging through sewerage.” Varric retorted with a teasing grin. “Come one, I hate the sand.”

*

“You don’t seem happy,” Solas remarked over his book, Cassius had taken his place sitting on the edge of his desk. Solas had put the effort in to keep that corner clean and free incase the Inquisitor sat on an ink well or something else.

“It is a complicated mess.” Cassius nodded to himself, a hand to his chin as his eyes focused on nothing. “Do you mind if I voice my thoughts to you?”

“Of course, if I can be of help.” Solas set his research aside and sat in his chair, leaning back like a therapist with his hands clasped over his stomach as he readied himself.

“I do not know much of the Wardens, and there is a mixed reception of them when brought into the conversation. What I have read seems contradictory of what they are like in reality,” Cassius started, shifting himself to face his friend. “They need help, saving. But what if…”

“You cannot save everyone,” Solas said quietly, an answer Cassius never liked to hear.

“It makes me so mad. If I ever found out how Corypheus got this power I am going to… Well, it doesn’t matter.” A soft sigh. “I think I need a drink.”

“I heard a drink!” Dorian called down. “Oh, hope you don’t mind, I have run out of things to read and your conversation was echoing up to my ears. Very rude, if you ask me. A library is supposed to be quiet.”

“I don’t suppose  _ you _ have any advice.” Cassius called back up.

“You will find I am a wealth of advice, for example, what you wearing right now isn’t flattering to that little athletic body you have under that pale cloth.” Dorian teased. “It doesn’t hurt to invest the coin.”

“You sound like Viviene.” Cassius snorted. “But fashion is not at the forefront of my mind.”

“The Wardens? Nasty business that. Come, drink! I shall lend an ear if you lend the liquor.”

“You don’t like my tavern.”

“Yes, but you have been gifted many bottles of fine wine.” Dorian retorted back in a singsong voice.

Cassius sighed as he trudged down the cellar stairs with Dorian on his heels, down the stone stairs to the cooler part of the keep where Josephine stored the many drinks that were offered as gifts. Cassius rarely drank, he was a lightweight and often did things he regretted when he sobered up so he barely touched the stuff. When he said he needed a drink, he meant a warm mug of tea and a tree to climb up. Dorian was too keen though, and Cassius didn’t have the heart to deny a new friend. The last door, he opened it and the abandoned bottles glittered within the candlelight.

“Oh, it is like my birthday. May I?” Dorian asked, though not waisting as he went into the storage room, fingers tracing each bottle as he looked over the labels. “Quite a selection.”

“You are welcomed to it, just don’t tell Josephine.”

“Hmph, well, what are you in the mood for? Orlaisian sweet white wine? A dwarven rum? Is this a Feralden scotch? Impossible, you have a bottle of red from the Chantry!” Dorian gasped holding a bottle to the candlelight and inspecting the colour. 

“I don’t know what any of that means. But, if we are to go off my mood I want something light.”

“And sweet, I suppose. Pity, I heard this Orlaisian wine tastes of condolences.” Dorian smiled as he looked over the bottles once more. “It is hard to choose but I believe this will do.”

“Will it?” Cassius teased, leaning on the stone archway to hold the door open and patiently wait for Dorian to decide on his poison. “Are you drinking to drink, or be drunk?”

“Tease all you like, there is nothing wrong with savouring every drop.”

“Or finishing a bottle within a few minutes.”

“Are you… Are you teasing me, Inquisitor? You are starting to surprise me.” Dorian rolled his eyes as he tucked another bottle under his arms, his back towards Cassius as he looked through the shelves, still. “I thought you were all Inquisition, no fun.”

“I can have my fun, there just hasn’t been time.” Cassius rolled his eyes as Dorian chuckled at him, throwing him a teasing smile.

“Come, why aren’t you choosing.”

“I have to hold the door open. Josephine locked herself in here by accident for over an hour because it wouldn’t open from this side.”

“I can imagine the scandal it would cause, the evil Tevinter mage trapping the innocent Inquisitor.” Dorian laughed out loud, although bitterly. “Though, it might be a scandal worth testing.”

“Oh, so you want me to close the door.” Cassius moved away, the large wooden door starting to creak close. Dorian stood motionless, seeing if the Inquisitor was testing him for a reaction, but when the door clicked closed and Cassius stood beside it with a grim face, he realised they were actually stuck. “Now we wait.”

“You are joking? Tell me you are joking.” Dorian pleaded, though trying to keep the panic inside him calm, Cassius face, the cold eyes staring at the missing handle with his lips pressed together showed it was not a joke. “I don’t know if I should scream or hit you right now.”

“See? Fun. Pass me the bottle, I am sure Leliana will find us soon.” Cassius slid to the ground, his back against the stone.

“You are utterly insane.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe? No. I thought whatever happens to you was some ironic luck, it seems you run headfirst into trouble.” Dorian remarked, pulling cork off a bottle with his teeth. “This is a new level of insanity and I cannot believe I’ve been dragged into it.”

“If you are going to spend this entire time complaining, then I am regretting my choice.”

“You should regret it.”

“I rarely regret my decisions. Now. Are you drinking, or is this a waste of time?”

Dorian shot him a cold look, then took a swig of the bottle. The sweet wine ran down his throat like sickly honey, it was a drink that was supposed to be mixed with something, but it was the first bottle he opened and he didn’t want to waste it. He moved across the room and sat beside Cassius, handing him the battle and watched him drink in the low candlelight. The elf made a face and looked at the bottle. “What is this shit?”

Dorian laughed, rolling his eyes as he stared up at the stone ceiling, dark where water had dripped onto the floor and made the stone uneven from years of pressure. It was quiet, a strange quiet, tense and unsure but out of all the people in the hold, he was glad it was with the Inquisitor. He still hadn’t formed a solid opinion of him, but at least he treated Dorian like a human, a person outside of race, land, or talents.

“You are deep in thought,” Cassius spoke up, handing the bottle back. “Want to trade what is on our minds?”

“How charming.” Dorian chuckled again, accepting the drink. “I was thinking about you, actually.”

“Unsurprising, I am on everyone’s mind,” Cassius said quietly, slipping in melancholy. “And what opinion of me have you formed? Am I the blessed hand of Andreste? The Dalish elf far from home? The all-in power Inquisitor to bring hope back to us all?”

“Don’t sound too modest.” Dorian snorted. “No, you should be pleased. I don’t think any of that.”

“That does make me pleased, but now I worry.”

“Do you often worry about being viewed negatively? Embrace it I say.”

“I don’t know. It isn’t that I care if someone dislikes me, but it matters with what they do with that hate. If you hate me or view me in negatively light, you don’t show it so I won't be worrying about it.” Cassius started. “I can turn an eye on hate towards me, especially since you established my identity outside of my titles and background.”

“Well, it is the same courtesy you have shown to me. Manners, they teach them where I am from.” Dorian pointed out, another swig and passed the bottle. “I find you a curiosity, Cassius. I thought I had you pinned as someone who changes masks to not show their hand, but I’ve been observing you more and more and you surpass my expectations and my judgement. So, I’ll keep observing which is perfectly fine with me, at least your pretty.”

“Ha! Flatterer, what do I owe you for such a boost to my ego!”

“Your opinion on me.”

“I don’t know,” Cassius answered easily, a little too fast. “I know you want detail though, so I will try my best despite my inexperienced of forming and maintaining relationships.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“You are a good person, but you know that already. I already view you as a friend and I can only hope we become better friends. But, as I am a curiosity to you, you are to me. I know nothing about Tevinter or your magic with necromancy, but I find myself conflicted because I don’t care about that. I want to know you, but you seem to enjoy throwing up walls more than Cassandra and Solas.”

“It’s in my nature, don’t feel too offended.” Dorian huffed displeased with Cassius’ answer, though unsure what he was expecting. “Where I am from, you need to be discreet. Though, I rebelled against that.”

“Well, I have disappointed you. What were you expecting?”

“You didn’t even mention my fine, chiselled looks. I have cheekbones fit for a sculpture! Look at this profile, it is wisdom, intelligence, power and-“

“Arrogance.”

“See, now I am hurt.”

Cassius shook his head as he stood up, a laugh coming from his chest. “I enjoy your wit. One of your redeeming features.”

“One? Tell me the others.”

“In due time. We have wasted enough time, but I feel better within myself escaping the pressure of the Inquisition with you so I owe you.” Cassius remarked as he opened the door, leaving Dorian in absolute stunned silence. “Oh. I was joking about the door, in case that wasn’t clear.”

Dorian chewed his bottom lip with a frown, left with another bitter yet sweet taste in his mouth as he watched Cassius leave. He will pick the Inquisitor apart, he will turn over every stone and work out how his mind ticks and destroy him for leaving him wanting more time with the elf. “Andreste’s ass, not this again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Love Protocol - Coheed and Cambria
> 
> this is very rushed, as much of my writing. I just get impatient to GET to the plot so forgive me if the build-up isn't as exciting


	3. A Small Break

** Three: A Small Break **

_You made your wish, now wait and see. All alone in this wide world afraid, but don't be. You sure found an easy way to those city streets. Oh, they're yours, patience and time. Alove you will find_

Another damn nightmare. Cassius opened his eyes in pure misery, the hushed whispers of his dreams lingered in his ears as he gripped onto the blanket that had wrapped around his body through his tossing and turning only fueling the constraining nightmarish imagery. He sat up, sure only slept for a few hours, and climbed out of bed to throw open the doors and windows needing some  _ air. _ He stumbled into the darkness, bumping into his desk as clumsy hands tried to find a candle. Impatient his hand sparked to life, the magical energy illuminating the room with crackles of lightning and flickering the room in pure white and purple shadows. Once he found a candle, he lit it, the fire, then rubbed his bare arms and paced around the room with his eyes closed begging for a moment sleep, just a moment, he couldn’t suffer another night seeing the deathly faces of those lost in Haven, those corpses in Crestwood, the slit throats of Grey Wardens. It was weighing on him, and his connection to the Fade only encouraged the dark imagery.

The night was dark, the moon hiding behind thick clouds that threatened to snow but the chill breeze prickled Cassius’ skin back into life and reality. Finally calming down, though still exhausted, he moved back to his desk finding another letter on his desk. He had forgotten to check, busy trying to establish where to find the Wardens, plan the best ways to assault… The Inquisition was no burden, but it felt like a being ready to swallow him whole. Cassius picked off the wax seal, unfolding the ink-stained parchment and sighed, content seeing his sisters handwriting.

_ Inquisitor… Such a shem title. _

_ Mother wants you to write, she is worried about you and we haven’t heard from you in a while. We hear worrying things about your Inquisition and it has brought attention to our clan. I am trying to help the Keeper maintain a good friendship with the shems who seem positive about our connections with you, and we are having good trade for once, but I worry. We are in the Free Marches, the land we were invited on, I guess the sudden kindness has me on edge. _

_ Are you making friends? Are you doing well? Are you well within the chaos? I only hope you are thriving and aren’t hiding away in some cave when things get too noisy. _

_ Ar lath ma, Lynnia. _

He held the letter to his chest hoping somehow his sister would feel how much he missed the simplicity of his old life, but he was relieved to hear from them again. He drew out paper and a quill, starting to write… But he couldn’t. He didn’t know where to begin or what to say. Was he making friends? Yes, and he was enjoying the company rather than looking for an escape from it. Was he doing well in the chaos? Yes and no. He pondered on the question. He was surprisingly well and was dealing with what was thrown at him, but he knew when it stopped, he wouldn’t cope, if he took a moment to breathe, it will come crushing on him. The burden, guilt, everything could crush him if he allowed it but if he showed weakness… He tried to write again but scrunched up paper upon paper thrown on the floor, his fingers running anxiously through his hair as he tried to think. He would start, say too much, try again. Start, flat out lie, try again.

When morning came, flooding his room with bright orange and neon pinks, Cassius had laid his head on his desk to watch the sun peak over the mountain line and splatter colour through the sky and the snow on the ridgeline darkened before brightening up in white glory. The clouds were scattered, no heavy snow, but Cassius felt like a blizzard had taken him apart. He lost the battle of words, and his mind wanted nothing more than sleep. But, he had work to do. Sitting up, unsticking paper from his face, he yawned and shivered in the cool morning light. Dressed and down the stairs, sluggish but he tried to force energy into his step.

“You look a little worse for wear,” Dorian remarked, waiting by the library door with a book in his left hand, a half-eaten apple in his right. Cassius paused in his tracks, staring at the other mage, unsure where his mind was.

“I haven’t slept.”

“I can tell. This is why some of us drink.” Dorian remarked, taking a slicing bite into the green apple skin. “You should eat, get some energy so I can tease you without feeling guilty.”

“I will when I have time, I need to… I need to… Shit, what did I need to do.”

“Apart from running circles around Skyhold checking in on everyone? Lord Popular.” Dorian teased, then huffed. “See, now I feel guilty.”

“A elgar laimen, ar ame tel’din son.” Cassius mumbled, feeling like his eyes were going to fall out of his head at any moment but still, he stood. “Hamin. Telir’sul a sahl.”

“I hope you aren’t saying anything mean about me.” Dorian raised an eyebrow at the elvish that came from the Inquisitors mouth, the man was rubbing his face and seeming pale.

“Ah, I just need to sit.” Cassius said in common, “I just need to rest. But I can’t. Sorry, I think the filter between my mind and my mouth has lost itself.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“It doesn’t matter. Do you know if Leliana is up there, with the birds?” Cassius shrugged off the question. He was opening the door to the library when Dorian picked up a fresh apple from one of the serving tables where an arrangement of fruit and bread were on display for easy pickings, he held it out to Cassius expecting him to take it.

“Last I saw, she was. Eat this, it’ll be the last time I do something nice for you.” Dorian warned quietly. “Then tell her you are going back to bed.”

“Ha, look at you, being all nice. Who knew you had it in you.” Cassius said with a whisper, shining the apple on his chest before biting into it. “I’ll keep your secret safe, for now.”

“Oh, you do me justice wise Inquisitor. Honestly, I just can’t be listening to you speaking Dalish. It is a charming language but I am worried you are saying something horrible.”

“Tamahn is banal telam o ma.” Cassius smirked, bowing his head. “Thank you, Dorian, your presence has woken me up entirely.”

“It was the effect I was hoping for.” Dorian mused, returning the smirk before closing his book shut with a quick snap and slowly waltzing away to go out the large archway to walk in the sun. Cassius took a deep breath in, eye closed, filling his lungs with air to the point of bursting before releasing it with a sigh. In his tired state, his emotional walls and barriers were down and he could feel that weird tugging in his heart when Dorian had handed him the apple, a feeling of attraction, a spark of serious interest. He would not linger on it he decided within himself, if he gave it the attention it would grow and he didn’t want anything to grow when it was planted in one of his weakest moments. It was overwhelming to talk to people in general, the last thing he wanted was to have even more complex energy within their conversations when he was just establishing being comfortable. Either way, the large sigh made him feel better and ready to face Leliana.

The Spymaster was sitting at her table, looking at a wrapped package that had arrived tied to a strange bird she hadn’t seen before. It was addressed to the Inquisitor and it felt light, she sniffed at it to only smell herbs, none of them seemed to seem poisonous. As she decided to unwrap to check, Cassius had appeared. He looked off, paler than normal and dark bags under his pale eyes and his long hair was tied up, unbrushed and untamed that loose long strands fell out of his bun.

“I heard you had another restless night,” Leliana commented as he approached her, his eyes on the package. “Here, it was addressed to you.”

“It looks like what mother used to store her tea.” He slowly opened the leaves, in a cotton bag were dried leaves and flowers and a smile spread onto his face. “Ha! I had run out a while ago and didn’t know how to ask for more.”

“Is it that blue liquid you drink?”

“Aye. Gives me that boost of energy. Needed right now, but I will make it later. Any word from Stroud?”

“No. We are still waiting, but my scouts are watching him and he is in no danger.” Leliana reported. “I hope we can deal with this soon.”

“You knew the Hero of Ferelden, do you know if he is among them?”

“Thankfully, I am assured he is not. But, I don’t know where he is but I can search if you want me to.”

“If we can reach him in time, he may be able to help.” Cassius nodded, tying up his bag of tea. “I need to check in with Cullen with how the new recruits are and to see if he has planned how we can best secure the fortress when the time comes, and then Josephine-“

“I will do that, you need to rest. Drink your tea and read a good book.” Leliana glanced up to his face seeing it twist in annoyance. “We need you at your best.”

“Fine. You haven’t been the first to suggest I rest.” Cassius huffed like a child being given a lecture. “Promise me you will send for me if anything has changed.”

“Of course, Inquisitor.” Leliana smiled.

Giving up on the idea of arguing, Cassius stormed down the stairs, meeting a servant girl and requesting his tea to be made and brought up, though sternly. Seeing the fear on her face he could only sigh before tossing her a coin and apologizing, but otherwise, he made a beeline to his room, up the stairs and throwing himself onto the bed. Rest was the last thing he could do when there was so much weighing on him. This type of burden, it was something he wasn’t trained in or expected to carry. A clan was one thing, but this… Perhaps…

Sliding out of bed and moving across his room he found a book, blank pages waiting to be filled. A gift, from Josephine, it was obvious as the edges of the pages were golden and the cover, though black, had the Inquisition eye embossed into the hardcover. He would use it as his journal, as his venting space and something safe to just put down thoughts. It was surprisingly easy, easier than writing a letter home. The quill, long and dark dipped in void black ink stained the pages, Cassius’ handwriting messy from the fever of writing, every thought he had, from his relationships to the Inquisition, he wrote. He even drew in the corners of the pages, elfroot, rashvine, Inquisition eye, a sword… It was therapeutic. When his tea came the servant girl seemed to relax seeing him smile and placed the delicate cup on his desk with a matching pot for him to refill for himself before scuttling away to her next business for the day.

The room started to go dark, the sun starting to set, satisfied with his days writing Cassius sat back in his chair and watched out the window, the colours shifting from pale blue to a dark purple, then to the night sky scattered with bright stars. He was settled, his mind felt lighter after scribbling for the entire day. His body still felt drained from lack of sleep and his stomach growled after realising it was empty. Food and a drink, it was what his body needed. He threw a blanket around his shoulders and wondered out of his quarters seeing the hall was still full of people surrounding the fires and chatting within their groups, false words exchanged, shielded emotions and sly hands he knew the small game that was played among the nobles that stayed within his walls, what he needed was substance, so logically the tavern was where he headed. The food was bland, but at least he could use the bread to mop up ale until he was ready to sleep wherever his head lay.

The tavern itself was full, but the crowds parted when he walked in giving the Inquisitor space to scan the area of any recognisable faces. He ordered his food and drink and lingered around the tables until he spotted Varric, Sera, Dorian and Bull huddled around a small round table playing some form of a card game. Sera was drunk, the bubbly kind where she was making anyone who could hear her laugh as she lost hand after hand but when seeing Cassius she seemed to quieten herself.

“Right, the big fella is here.” She introduced him to the table before falling into a pit of giggles. “Nice cloak.”

“You playing?” Varric asked scooting his chair to make space between he and Dorian, another chair was set up and Cassius planted his butt in it without asking questions. Before he could answer a waitress handed him his plate of… Stew? He wrinkled his nose at it seeing the gamey meat within the thick, liquid but the bread smelt nice with a hint of mixed herbs to save the dish. Then, his ale came, warmed by a fire and hot in his hands. It was awkward to hold and eat, the table covered in cards. “I guess not.” Varric chuckled seeing the elf try to balance what he was served.

“Are you really going to eat that?” Dorian matched Cassius' face, his nose scrunched as he looked over at the plate. “I think someone is trying to murder you via bad cooking.”

“I am hungry,” Cassius mumbled, chewing a hunk of the bread and swigging his ale, the mixture in his mouth wasn’t pleasant and the bread mixture into the bitter ale would have made him nauseous if he wasn’t in company, it was Dorian’s disgusted reaction that made it tolerable, hell, enjoyable. “Go on, play, I don’t know how to play.”

“That’s a disgrace, boss.” Bull shook his head, horns nearly clipping Sera in the face. “Wicked Grace is an easy coin.”

“I don’t have any coin.” Sera frowned, accepting her cards and switching them around in her hand as she licked her lips to concentrate. “I’m down to my britches.”

“What about you, Sparkles?” Varric asked, looking at his hand and throwing a handful of coins into the middle of the table. “You are down to your britches too.”

“Don’t remind me, piss on your game.” Dorian huffed. “If this was any other game I would be gloating about my riches too. Buy us a drink though.”

“I thought you would best this game, Dorian.” Cassius mused after downing the last of his drink and setting the mug on the ground beside his feet. “I wonder what your tells are.”

“If you play, I will.”

“Alas, I will have to find out another way.” A theatrical and forlorn sigh from Cassius as he took another bite from the greasy meal. “I can guess, a twitch of the lip? Eyes rolling too far back into your skull? Maybe that smirking smile on your face.”

“I regret giving you an apple now, all this after I was being so nice to you.” Dorian effortlessly fell into the banter, giving Cassius a playful pout. “Next time I will let you starve.”

“Ugh yuck.” Sera huffed, sliding out of her chair and crawling out from the other side of the table. “I’m leaving before this turns all smoochie.”

“You are inspiring another book, but I gotta agree with Sera. I’m tired of being the third wheel.” Varric joked, dropping his cards onto the table and staring at the Inquisitor. “It is a mood killer, we were doing great before you showed up,” Varric said, all in light-hearted jokes.

“I mean if you want a third…” Bull offered. “I have the time.”

“As great of a time that sounds, I must decline. I came to find food, nothing more.” Cassius said, suddenly flustered, hoping the last bite of bread would distract him from the imagery. Bull started to laugh, a rich laugh that came from the belly up and it became infectious, Sera started to chuckle before ruffling Cassius’ hair and abandoning the group, Varric was trying not to enjoy himself too much as he packed the cards away, but Dorian stayed silent twirling his moustache in his fingers.

“Well, I was going to offer a free drink,” Cassius said, loud enough for Sear to hear, which she replied with flipping him the bird. “But fine! If no one is in the mood I may as well take my plate and go. Can’t be mingling with the boss, I get it.”

“Aw, don’t take it personally. You actually came at the right time, Sera was about to throw a tantrum or Dorian. One of them.” Varric shrugged casually. “And I have no idea where Hawke went.”

“It is fine, no need to make an excuse. I am fed, aled up and ready for bed. Thank the Gods I brought my blanket so I can drop wherever I deem comfortable.” Cassius dropped the metal plate onto the table and stacked his mug on top of it for easy cleaning before standing up and adjusting the blanket moreover his shoulders. “Enjoy your night, I shall see you in the morning.”

“Going already!” Dorian gasped. “You didn’t even buy me a drink!”

“You know where the cellar is.” Cassius teased, but Dorian was on his feet, ready to walk with Cassius. “I suppose I owe you an apple.”

“Is this code?” Bull asked looking to Varric who shrugged in reply.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something today,” Dorian said sarcastically. “The Inquisitor took the day off and Leliana deemed it unimportant.”

“Walk and talk then, I feel my mind ready to sleep,” Cassius said as he bowed his head in a farewell to the other two. Varric and Bull turned back to the conversation and new drinks were delivered to them. Cassius waited as Dorian stood, and lead the way outside where the cool breeze calmed liquored faces.

Cassius kept his pace slow, a relaxed stroll within the dirt patches of Skyhold as Dorian walked beside him in quiet, he waited but Dorian said nothing. “Well?”

“I lied.” Dorian chuckled. Cassius groaned with a roll of his eyes as he fastened his steps. “Oh come on! Payback, though it doesn’t have the same satisfying effect. Can’t you be a little madder?”

“I am,” Cassius remarked back, straightening his back as he walked and keeping his chin in the air. He wasn’t mad, but if it meant Dorian would be satisfied with his teasing quicker than usual than he would play the part. “Look, Dorian. I need to sleep.”

“Oh, you are mad. Actually mad.”

“Yes.”

“I would believe you if your eyebrows were a little more knotted in a frown, there, that’s the face of an angry elf. Very cute.” He said with a hint of satisfaction. “I am just secretly glad you are doing well. Oh! Before I forget, that new little post you put Alexius in is proving useful. Though he has lost all joys of life he is producing some interesting information and leads. I have taken the liberty to follow said leads since no one seems to actually want to dip a toe into the Tevinter underbelly.”

“See, if you started with this I might have been happier. Well, what have you discovered?”

“What? No praise of my wonderful mind and dedication? What a little treat for my loyalty to sludge through the corruption of my homeland.” Dorian huffed. They started up the stone stairs and Cassius bent his head low as a group of Chantry sisters lingered around the entrance trading gossip and glancing at the men with curious stares. Dorian was hyper-aware of what they spoke about and he watched Cassius reaction unsure if he picked up on the topic but the elf didn’t seem to notice or digest their less than conspicuous whispers.

“All I can do is thank you for your efforts, Dorian,” Cassius spoke over the noise, his head still bent low to show some form of respect when he passed the Chantry sisters. “Let’s speak in a more private setting, tell me everything you have learned.”

*

Dorian whistled as he looked around the Inquisitor's quarters, mostly in awe of the open space, otherwise, he found Cassius’s tastes to be too simple. There was nothing fun to look at, no framed art, no statues or knick-knacks there were only papers and books, a collection of staffs, and so many blankets and pillows. “Such a shame, really.”

“What?” Cassius looked up from his crouching position by the fire, poking it back to life. “Does my room displease you, Pavus?”

“Yes. What do you do here? What do you look at, how do you display your wealth!” Dorian exclaimed gesturing to the bare stone walls. Cassius laughed, shaking his head once satisfied the fire would continue to burn. “A person’s quarters should reflect the one who owns it, you know. So far all I can gauge is that you like to read… And sleep? Why so many pillows? I believe that is the first sign of loneliness.”

“All of my ‘wealth’ is displayed throughout Skyhold. What art would I display here? Don’t get me wrong, I love human portraits, but I can’t stand to see another painting of Andreste being burned alive. I have better art.” Cassius scoffed, warming his hands.

“Where? If you are talking about yourself, let me critique you.”

“No. Out there.” Cassius pointed to the arched doorway that led to his balcony where the view was darkened by the night sky, the light of torches that lined Skyholds walls polluting what would be the natural lighting and the moon was barely a slither in the sky. “If you need framed work, the glass is the frame, outside is my art.”

“Poetic, yet unsurprising.” Dorian mused quietly, analysing the darkness outside the room. “Yet, you didn’t answer me about the pillows.”

“I like to sit on the floor.”

“Oh. Oh no, do you expect me to sit on the floor?”

“If you prefer to stand. Humans are so obsessed with furniture.” Cassius mumbled with a puzzled expression. “How many chairs must you have in one room? I sit at my desk but I can’t sit still for long and end up on the floor or sitting on the desk.”

“Well, civilised-“

“Tread carefully,” Cassius warned, shooting a cold glance towards Dorian, a first time he had been on the receiving end of such a look. Dorian easily shit his mouth, eyebrow raised as he processed the cold, blue eyes staring at him with a flash of violence, but Cassius soon started to smile, though sadly. “No, sorry. I am sure you understand the feeling. I love my people, I love my culture, but being here… Well, it is disconnecting on many levels. Someone actually called me knife-ears the other day thinking I was out of earshot. It doesn’t bother me, well… Except now.”

Dorian understood very well, but he thought himself to have thicker skin so it wouldn’t affect him as much, water off a duck back, but on the off days it could feel deafening. He moved towards Cassius and sat on the stone floor, warmed by the heat of the fire. Dorian watched the flames dance, flickering in their unheard music as it engulfed the wood and crumbling it to ash. “The mood is officially dead.”

“Add that to my many titles. Herald of Andreste, Inquisitor, Knife-ears and Murderer of Moods.” Cassius joked throwing a floor pillow at Dorian, catching him in the face. “Thankfully I have a good friend who still sits with me no matter how many times I ruin a good time.”

“I am only here to talk to you about our work.” Dorian mused. “Which I have forgotten again, damn you and your pretty words, make a man melt with your innocence! Friends? Bah!”

“You tease me again, but I know you like it when I appreciate you.”

“I like it when anyone appreciates me, Inquisitor, don’t feel too special.” 

“Come on, admit that I’m the better friend. I gave you an expensive wine.” Cassius pushed with a light laugh, his hands tightening around the blanket over his shoulders. Dorian watched him, trying his best not to start complaining about the little prank Cassius had pulled, it was easy though, Cassius had that sadness in his face again. It washed over his expressions at a time when he was lost in his work, or reading, or was listening to meetings and such. Viviene’s neutral expression was that of intimidation, Varric of friendly wisdom, Solas of mystery, Cassius of sadness.

“You are a good friend.”

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?” Cassius smiled, nudging Dorian in the ribs. “But, alas, you mentioned Alexius.”

“He has sent all his research to us and the… The tranquil is sorting through the information. There are even notes on other Venatori agents that aren’t publically open with their support, at home and in the south.”

“That… That is huge.”

“I like to impress. I will sift through it all, there is tasty magic within those papers and I want to know everything he did and discovered when I left his side.”

“What about Felix?” The question lingered in the air. Cassius glanced to Doiran seeing that his face had fallen and his posture seemed to sink within the floor. “Ah. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“It is part of life. He was very unwell and it explains Alexius sudden cooperation.” Dorian said cooly, but Cassius could see through the stiff tone, he knew nothing about Felix but he knew enough to know when someone was mourning a dear friend. It made Cassius start wondering if he were to die how many would mourn his loss outside the Inquisition? His family, if that.

“I know you probably won't want to talk about it, but… I am here. I don’t know Felix as well as you, but my brief meeting with him made a good impression. He was a good man.” Cassius began, pulling himself at the moment, the now rather than wondering about the future. “The world is missing a good person, now that he is gone.”

“Yeah.” Dorian sighed. “There are few men better than Felix. I will miss him and the energy he brought with him. It is hard to make good connections where I am from, but Felix and I were good, nothing fake between us. Ha, I am just remembering the late-night snacks and deep conversations we would have when I was Alexius assistant.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“It was. We were so young, so unaware of the problems we would face one day. I don’t think we could have ever be prepared for what has happened…” Dorian trailed off before glancing towards Cassius. “His death won't affect my work.”

“I am not worried about your work ethic, Dorian. I am worried because I actually think you are my friend and I had no idea this happened so I could offer you support.”

“I don’t need the support. It is a part of life.”

“Are you not sad?”

“Terribly so.”

“Promise me, I mean it, promise me if something like this happens you search me out. No matter the mood, no matter what I am doing, I want you to be able to express yourself.”

“Ew, why are you being mushy.” Dorian wrinkled his nose. “But what about yourself? I refuse to be in debt to you from therapy.”

“I mean, if you are bored I may drop by complaining to you.” Cassius raised his eyebrows with a smile. “You will regret it though, I stick like glue. Everywhere you go, every corner you turn… I’ll be there to tell you about every single thing on my mind.”

“I will keep tabs and sell your secrets.” Dorian laughed reaching over and ruffling Cassius’ hair. “You southerners are oddballs.”

“It might just be me. I have no friends outside Skyhold so I am going to cling onto what little I have.” Cassius closed his eyes at the physical touch, that tight feeling in his chest returning as he memorised the feel of Dorian's hand in his hair, gentle, playful and warm. His body instantly relaxed into the touch, and when Dorian stopped ruffling Cassius instinctively leaned into his palm.

Cassius’s eyes fluttered open, realising what his body was doing without permission from his mind and immediately pulled away from the hand, his hair though caught between Dorian’s slender fingers, tangled within his rings. He couldn’t look at Dorian in the eyes, or face, he could only stare at the ground while he half tugged his hair away, hyper-aware of his surroundings. His heartbeat, his breathing, the sharp crackle in the fire, the sigh of the breeze, the curtain brushing against stone, voices from down below, a door shutting and the ever light, musical, chuckle that came from Dorian. 

“Ignore that. I am tired and ready to fall asleep where I sit.” Cassius huffed, covering his head with the blanket and keeping his eyes fixed on the fire. “Breathe a word to anyone and I will murder you.”

“Oh ho ho! Such a threat after you nearly gave yourself to me? Be careful, Cassius, your making it irresistible to bully you.” Dorian warned, standing from his spot. “Get some sleep, dear, I can’t wait to tease you in the morning.”

Cassius groaned and fell sideways to lay on the floor, the regret and embarrassment washing over him like a crashing wave at the Storm Coast. He was tired, and it seemed he was touch-deprived unknown to him. Rather than celebrating or replaying that calming moment in his mind, his thoughts were swallowed into the pit of past mistakes, awkward and drunk hands on him, his need to please, it was a hot shame that slithered around his throat and stomach like frozen snakes. When he finally fell asleep, his dreams of corpses and twisted spirits were replaced with young lovers and bitter endings, betrayals which only reassured Cassius to stay away, to scrunch up any excitement or promising thoughts or bubbling feelings and lock them away in the back of his mind, but the storage of unwanted thoughts seemed full and his dreams turned to  _ him _ and his sly smile and teasing words. Another restless night of tossing and turning. Dorian, on the other hand, lingering within the library picking up his pile of the books he had finished flipping through to return them into their space was smiling as he remembered how soft Cassius looked within his hand, the press of his body weight on his fingers, the flash of cute embarrassment that swept over his face and his rediculous attempt of dismissing his slip of vulnerability. His hair was soft, despite being in a mess, but it felt like black silk within his fingers that encouraged Dorian’s imagination of the possible touch of Cassius’s skin. He set his mind, he would tease and pull Cassius into him and have him. The how was exciting, the intention blazing at the forefront of Dorian’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another rush, but getting there I suppose.
> 
> Translations:  
> A elgar laimen, ar ame tel’din son - A spirit lost in a maze, I'm not well  
> Hamin. Telir’sul a sahl - I need to rest for a moment  
> Tamahn is banal telam o ma - There is no darkness/badness in you
> 
> Song: A Friend To Enemies - Claudio Sanchez


End file.
